This one suits my colorful (not!) personality.
On the other hand, I happened to see the annual winners of the Washington Posts Neologisms contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Actually, I’ve added some others that were not on this year’s winner’s list but I liked them and thought I’d include them - to tickle your fancy.
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Percycution (n.): Giving your child a name he will hate for the rest of his life.
12. Coughin (n.): A small enclosure designed especially for smokers.
13. Typochondriac (adj.): A paranoid proofreader.
14. Ignorial (n.): A monument that nobody visits.
15. Skilljoy (n.): The would-be friend who’s a bit better than you at everything.
16. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
17. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
18. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
19. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
20. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that when you die, your Soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there